I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
