The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
