Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
