I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
