I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
