She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I could fuck to npr.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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