Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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