remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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