bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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