Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
