I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
