we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
