Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
