i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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