Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Congratulations! We have a period
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