Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize