I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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