Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize