Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
