i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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