Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Shame - the story of my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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