I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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