Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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