Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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