Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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