The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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