what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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