Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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