toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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