Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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