I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
