i just snorted my name. best moment ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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