dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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