so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i will never coherently bang her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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