My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
