So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
