good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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