i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
