Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
