i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
