You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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