I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
