I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
