someone owes me an orgasm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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