Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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