Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
