Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
