im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
