I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
