Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
