K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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