so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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